When you realise your not okay

Published on 26 September 2024 at 13:47

The last few weeks have been some of the most difficult I’ve ever experienced. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, crying for reasons I can’t even explain, and falling into a cycle of neglecting myself. I try to push through, to convince myself that I’m fine, but it’s become painfully clear that I’m not. 

 

Yesterday was a breaking point. The stress I’ve been holding inside came crashing down so hard that I ended up being physically sick. That was my wake-up call — the moment I realised that I couldn’t handle this on my own anymore. No amount of pretending or forcing a smile could change the reality of how bad things had become. 

 

So, I made a decision that was long overdue: I called my doctor. I admitted to myself — and to him — that I needed help. 

 

He listened, really listened, and signed me off work for two weeks. The break was necessary, but more importantly, he made me promise something: I need to come in and talk to him face to face when I’m ready. Not on anyone’s timeline but my own, when I’ve had a chance to figure out what’s really going on inside me.

 

I’m not sure what comes next, but for now, I’m giving myself permission to pause. To feel the weight of everything without forcing it to be okay when it isn’t. It’s scary, but in a way, it’s also a relief. Finally, I’ve admitted to myself that I’m struggling, and while I don’t have all the answers yet, I’m starting to take the first steps toward healing. 

 

If you’re feeling something similar, know this: It’s okay to not be okay. And it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.

 

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