The weight of expectations

Published on 22 September 2024 at 19:16

Lately, I’ve been feeling like crap. I’m tired, unmotivated, and just generally feeling shitty about myself. I know I’m not alone in this, but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. It’s hard to admit, but I’ve been struggling with my mental health more than I’d like to acknowledge. And to top it all off, I keep hearing this refrain: “You need to get your life together. You’re 28, not 18.” 

 

It’s true—I’m 28 years old. By society’s standards, I should have everything figured out by now. A stable job, a healthy routine, relationships that make me happy. But instead, I’m stuck in this cycle of feeling exhausted and disappointed in myself. It’s like there’s this heavy fog clouding my mind, making every little thing feel like a monumental task. Some days, just getting out of bed feels like an achievement. 

 

The pressure to "get it together" only makes things worse. It’s not that I don’t want to live up to these expectations—I do. But hearing that I need to act my age just amplifies the voice in my head telling me that I’m failing, that I’m not good enough, that I’m falling behind. It’s a vicious cycle: the more I feel like I’m not measuring up, the worse my mental health becomes, and the harder it is to take the steps I know I should be taking to improve my situation. 

 

It’s easy for others to say I need to change, but it’s not as simple as flipping a switch. Mental health isn’t something you can just fix by willing yourself to be better. It’s a complex, multifaceted issue that requires time, patience, and often, professional help to manage. But when you’re in the thick of it, everything feels overwhelming and insurmountable. 

 

So, what do I do? I don’t have all the answers, but I’m trying to take things one step at a time. Acknowledging that I’m not okay is a start. It’s okay to not have it all figured out, even at 28. It’s okay to feel like shit sometimes. What’s not okay is staying silent about it and pretending everything is fine when it’s not. 

 

I’m trying to focus on self-care, even if it feels like a small step. That means taking time for things that help me relax, like a warm bath with candles and some music to soothe my mind. I’m making an effort to connect with friends, even if it’s just a conversation over messenger. It’s not always easy, but these small acts of self-care remind me that I’m worth the effort, even when it doesn’t feel like it. 

 

I’m also looking forward to a few things this coming week that might lift my spirits. I’ve got a nail appointment booked—something small, but it always makes me feel a bit more put together. I have a counseling session lined up, which is a space where I can start to unpack some of these heavy feelings. And I’m excited for a well-deserved catch-up with a colleague I haven’t seen in a week. It’s these little things that I’m trying to focus on, reminding myself that there are moments of light even when everything feels dark. 

 

I’m learning to be kinder to myself, to stop comparing my journey to others, and to seek help when I need it. Whether that’s talking to a therapist, leaning on friends, or simply giving myself permission to take a break, I’m trying to focus on what I can do to feel a little better each day. 

 

If you’re reading this and feeling similar, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to struggle, and it’s okay to not have everything together. Life isn’t a race, and there’s no one right way to navigate it. We’ll figure this out, step by step, together. 

 

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