Since September 2024, my life has been marked by a series of ongoing health battles that have left me physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. What began as a possible diagnosis of gallstones and liver issues, with the added frustration of being placed on an 18-week waiting list for surgery, has now taken an even more exhausting turn. Just last week, I was told that I had been misdiagnosed, and now I must wait until mid-March to see if they can figure out what's really going on. The journey has been a long, painful process, and the uncertainty is one of the hardest parts of all of this.

When I was 18, like many my age, I dived into the world of online dating. It was an exciting yet unfamiliar space, full of possibilities but also uncertainties. I didn’t expect to find myself connecting with a 27-year-old man who lived about half an hour away. Our first date was at the cinema, and we instantly hit it off. The evening ended with me spending the night at his place. At the time, I decided to keep the relationship hidden from my family, fearing they wouldn’t approve due to the age gap. I thought I could handle it, but things soon spiralled in ways I hadn’t anticipated. 

As this week draws to a close, I’m taking a moment to reflect on the week gone by and look ahead to what’s next. It’s been a significant week for me, as I’ve returned to work part-time after some time away. While it’s a gradual process to build back up to full-time hours, it felt great to be back in the rhythm of things. There’s something comforting about having a routine again, and being back with my students was a bonus — they even mentioned how happy they were to see me, which made the transition even more rewarding. On a seasonal note, the kayak has officially been packed away for the winter, and along with it comes the realisation that the colder months are really setting in. The duvet has now made an appearance, and for someone who’s usually complaining about being too hot, I’ve found myself needing to bundle up with extra layers. Jumpers, extra socks, and even a hot water bottle have all made their way into my daily routine — not to mention my newfound need to complain about how cold it’s getting! While Halloween is still around the corner, I’ve already started thinking about Christmas. With my reduced hours at work (doctor’s orders), I’ll be working with a smaller budget, so I know I need to get organized and sort everything out early this year. I’ve always loved Christmas and its magical build-up, and I’m determined not to let this year be any different. A few years ago, we visited a Christmas market, and it was then that the real festive feeling kicked in for me. I want to make sure that same sense of magic fills this year too, even with the adjustments I’ll have to make. Looking ahead to next week, I have a few things planned. I’ll be taking some items I no longer need to the charity shop (a little autumn clear-out), squeezing in some shopping, and treating myself to a nail appointment. I’m also looking forward to spending some time in the kitchen, cooking up something warm and comforting as the nights grow chillier. Next week will be about finding balance — between work, personal time, and getting ahead of holiday preparations. And with any luck, I’ll keep this sense of progress going strong! 

The last few weeks have been some of the most difficult I’ve ever experienced. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, crying for reasons I can’t even explain, and falling into a cycle of neglecting myself. I try to push through, to convince myself that I’m fine, but it’s become painfully clear that I’m not. 

Lately, I’ve been feeling like crap. I’m tired, unmotivated, and just generally feeling shitty about myself. I know I’m not alone in this, but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. It’s hard to admit, but I’ve been struggling with my mental health more than I’d like to acknowledge. And to top it all off, I keep hearing this refrain: “You need to get your life together. You’re 28, not 18.”